ivorana

how can you expect me to be friends with you when the inside of my mouth is crusted over with scabs from the effort it takes not to say those three words you never want to hear from me again? -“i love you” / “i hate you”.

Apakah semua orang tau jika malam tak lagi terang. Malam kini menertawakanmu dengan bingar. Padahal pada malam biasanya kusematkan harapan rehat karena badan ini memikul beban berat. Satu kali... Dua kali ... Tiga kali, malam memakan jiwaku lumat. Ingin kubuka genggaman ini menyerah pada pekat, hingga malam kudengar menangis, meratap. " Hai hidup, kini Aku tak lagi terang" Source : www.unsplash.com

I thought I deserve to be happy too, but happiness never come. I thought I have forgotten about you, but the memory stays. I am tired, I want to stop. Please stop, but you already moved. And here I am, lying like a fool.. Source : www.unsplash.com Please listen to : Letting Go by One Ok Rock!

Right now it's kind of hard for me to read. Actually I’ve bought several books on my Kindle : some poetry books & some novels. However because of my new responsibility @ works, I'd often work late, and feel so tired when I come home, and rather spend my time on social media (Instagram, twitter, or  Youtube) that don’t require so much thinking with my brain. But then, after hours of browsing I'd feel regret because I waste so much time unproductively like that... I really want to get back to reading mode again as soon as possible... So... Wish me luck... Source : www.unsplash.com

It's been quite some times since i last read my last book.. Earlier this year i committed to read 24 books this year, its average is 2 books a month. Even though i already read 13 books, so it remains 11 books left and i still have 6 months, i still feel left behind..  Come to think of it, these days i spend the evenings with Netflix.. I have finished Designated Survivors (3 seasons), How to get away with murder (4 seasons, only 4 seasons available in Netflix Indonesia), currently watching Voice 3, Orange is the new black, and some Movies Netflix originals.. I'll be back to book for now though..

Hey, it's been long since my last post here.. I'd like to share my new journey that officially started on June 1st 2019. Like other companies, there has been regular rotation to freshen up the organisation, this year it's the company i work for. Actually the rotation has already planned by the management from last year, however the implementation is rolling-out parallel, starting last may. Right to the smallest part of the company, which is me and my colleague in the same level.. So, the big news came on May 31st 2019. The fates of hundreds people was distributed that day. You don't know where destiny would bring you. You didn't know on what team and division you would end up with, let alone what will your duty would be.. I was soo stressed by this. I straight up stay awoke for 21 hours D-1 before the announcement. And then the announcement came, by mail.. There were not many people in the office that day, because most of them already off for Lebaran.. I reme...

it is funny how people can hurt others and just get on with their lives It is not fair i'm stressed-eating now countless nights, i got trouble sleeping i'm doubting myself and i hate my self for being like this i'm throwing up living with their perspective will be so much comfortable i can't see any effects not the heartbreak not any slumped don't even get to see the karma internet say i'm not worthless how can i believe? i don't deserve happiness.